is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
