It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
