You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
