I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize
