Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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