I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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