when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Randomize
