Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
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