My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Randomize
