he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
