there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
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