I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
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