Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
