The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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