Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
