i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
