ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
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The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
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I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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