Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Randomize
