Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
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