1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
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