in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
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