he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
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Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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