well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Randomize
