I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Randomize
