obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
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surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
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