where am i from again
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
