I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
