I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
