Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
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