Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
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