My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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