i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
