you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
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