Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
