I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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