You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize