seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
