I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
we're so committed to being not committed
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
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