Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
