..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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