Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
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