all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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