some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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