I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Randomize
