we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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