Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
