wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
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