last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize