If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
