you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
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