I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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