all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
