PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
soo... how was my night?
Randomize
