Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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