We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize
