??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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