I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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