I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
They took my balls.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
