I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
