I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
