I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
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