My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
