my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
