at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
