we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
