I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
