I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Randomize
