Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
